So I spoke with my friend Lauren from high school on the phone last night for the first time in I don't know how long...and she called with a piece of gossip: that Dave, whom I went out with junior year in high school, is engaged.
Now, this didn't make me feel odd becuase I still have feelings for him because I don't. I don't see us as being remotely compatible anymore and I haven't even spoken to him since I moved away from West Islip. It made me feel odd because it is an inevitable part of growing up that one's friends begin to marry and grow up themselves.
I met Dave in my sixth grade homeroom and along with my friend, Brian, we all became close. I stayed close with Dave throughout middle school and high school while Brian faded in and out. Ironic how I still keep in touch with Brian but not Dave.
Dave was my first boyfriend. My first kiss. My first date. The first time I held hands with a boy. The first boy to tell me he loved me. My first breakup. I suppose I feel odd because no other boy will ever be that for me. Will ever be with me at 16 and experience things together for the first time. I'll never be that idealistic about a relationship again. And that's what I miss. Not him, per se, but being that 16 year old girl who sat next to him on the bus and was made happy because he held my hand.
Like every relationship, we had our share of drama. Our breakup wasn't great. I went out with his friend shortly after...which, yes. I know. Is against the rules and something I will never do again. I look back in my journal and read about how the thrill of my first boyfriend made me feel. It's something Dave and I shared and I won't get to share with anyone else.
Mazel tov, Dave and Ellen. I hope you will have a wonderful marriage.
No comments:
Post a Comment