Cormac's Letter

This was a writing excercise where we wrote a letter as character from a story. This is a letter from Cormac from Pete Hamill's Forever:

My dear son,

There is not a man alive that is older than your father. Unlike other men, in my case it's true. I was born in the 1700s in Ireland and I've made it here today, after everyone I've ever known has gone to the Otherworld.

You have my blood in you, the blood of the Celts, but alos of this city, that has been my home for over two hundred years. In you is the sweat that helped dig the subway you ride everyday. The grime under your fingernails is from the Revolution. Your drawings are mine and mine are yours. The food on the table was put there by Boss Tweed.

Aske me questions, my son. Ask for my story. You are the one I would tell it to. Ask about the ancient covenant of our people, who follow and avenge the murders of our fathers. As how I died and was reborn by otherwordly magic. Ask how I came to meet your mother, the woman I searched this granite island for for more years than Ic are to count.

After I leave for the Otherworld, take the sword that hangs on the wall and keep it always. Your grnadfather was a blacksmith in Ireland. He made it. I killed his murder with it. But you will be free of such a responsibilty since no man can kill me.

I saw Manhattan grow from a village into this city. I pulled your mother from the ashes of the towers. As me for my story, my son. It is the most valuable legacy I can give you.

Your father,
Cormac Samuel O'Connor

A Loss

It's so weird to lose someone you feel like you've already lost...though when my mother called me at 6:20 AM on Monday morning to tell me my grandmother passed, it was a surprise. It was a surprise and not a surprise, whoch is the weirdest thing...last I spoke to her, she was in too much pain to have a conversation and I hung up, promising I'd speak to her again soon.

That leads us to Monday morning and...yeah. But these last few month, she hadn't been the way I'd remember her...she was fragile and small and not at all the woman whose house I'd visit as a child or the woman who'd come to Israel only a few month before. She kept saying, "This isn't your grandmother." and as far as I was concerned, she knew what she was talking about...she didn't want to stay the way she was, she'd rather be gone...which we never liked hearing from her, but there it is.

If I had any doubt in my mind about the importance of the Jewish community, this experience has redoubled my belief in its importance. Whether it's congregants who don't really know us turning up for a shiva minyan or the Rabbi spending two hours with us, explaining the funeral procedure or the Sisterhood sending us a complete dinner, it's been really important through all of this.

We went to her place yesterday, but it was aplace she'd barely lived three weeks in and it didn't seem like it was hers. We took some of her things, and that was hard..but she's rather us have it instead of giving or throwing it away.

I will miss her.

Borrowed Time

It never fails...the build up to a vacation is heady and exciting, ripe with anticipation at the different things you are going to do and see, the cool food you'll get to eat and the fun things you'll buy.Then you return...and it's just over. Nothing more than those photos and souvenirs...a memory.


I made my first trip to Europe by myself last week to visit my sister in London. I had heard rave reviews of the city from various trusted friends and eargerly looked forward to my visit...so I went. I had an amazing time: theatre, culture, food, stores, museums, walking tours. If you ask what my favorite thing was, I probably would come back at you with a list because I can honestly say I loved almost every experience I had...though among the top would be the new Globe theatre tour, a pub walking tour, a Jack the Ripper walking tour and a day trip to Windsor castle, tea at Harrods (and that's not even half!)

Now I've returned and for the most part have gotten over my jet-lag...but the point is that I didn't want to leave...I was sad to leave. I felt like I was on borrowed time while I was there and it was just a matter of time before I got dropped back into my life here.

Don't get me wrong, I was only 'cheating' on New York, I have no plans to pick up and move but I would love to spend longer in London, learning the culture and the quirks that make
it wonderful. But now I have to go back to work tomorrow. Maybe it would be better if I looked forward to going to work...but well, you can't have everything.

Cheers.

I Am My Own Wife

I wrote this a while ago, when I saw this play on Broadway and I saw it again at Georger Street Playhouse last weekend and thought it was just as riveting then, so I wanted to share this:

A man in a dress seems hardly the sort a serious drama would take place around. If this thought is present, expel it before you experience “I Am My Own Wife.” Jefferson Mays, the man who is this show, enters for the first time in a long black dress and a string of pearls. No one laughs. He holds himself regally and in a perfectly affected German accent explains about Charlotte von Mahlsdorf’s phonograph collection. Mr. Mays portrays over forty characters in this play, but the central figure is Charlotte, a transvestite who survived both the Nazis and the Communists in East Germany, without giving up her identity.

The play begins as Doug, the playwright as a character, discovers and becomes enamored with Charlotte and her life. He decides to write a play about her life and visit her several times. Charlotte obliges with tales of her younger days, all set in her home which she made into a museum. Her museum is comprised of furniture pieces that Charlotte has obsessively collected during her life. The set suggests the furniture collection through shelves of old fashioned furniture on the upstage wall and through miniatures that Charlotte sets up as she gives Doug his first glimpse into her life. Much of the first act is dedicated to stories Charlotte relates to Doug regarding her survival.

It is not until the second act when Doug hears that Charlotte might have been a willing informant for the Communists that Doug and the audience has any reason to doubt Charlotte. We see one of her friends in jail but we do not dream it was she who helped him get there until Doug starts having his doubts. The image the audience is left with at the end is Charlotte as a young boy, sitting symbolically between two tigers. One, the Nazis. The other, the Communists. The boy sits in the middle smiling and safe.

Mr. Mays’ performance is nothing short of brilliant. In playing scenes with himself, all he has to do is change his physicality slightly and the audience knows that this is a different character. Perhaps the best example of this is a scene in the second act when Charlotte appears on a talk show and as Charlotte; Mr. Mays sits up straight with his hands folded and as the male talk show host, leans over with his legs on either side of the chair. It almost makes it seem as though there are two different actors onstage. But there are not. There is only one. And he wears a dress.

I've seen 45 Disney films

High School Musical:
Holes: *
Lizzie McGuire Movie: -
Cheetah Girls: *
Cheetah Girls 2: -
Halloween Town: -
Halloween Town High: -
Cadet Kelly: -

total so far: 1

Get a Clue: -
Motocrossed: -
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs: *
Pocahontas: *
Pocahontas 2: -
Lady and the Tramp: *

total so far: 4

Lady and the Tramp 2: -
Cinderella: *
The Parent Trap: * (both versions)
The Little Mermaid: *
The Little Mermaid 2:

Total so far: 7

Mary Poppins: *
The Fox and the Hound:
Dumbo: *
Pinocchio: *
Bambi: *
Bambi 2: -

total so far:11

The Rescuers Down Under: -
The Rescuers:
Toy Story: *
Toy Story 2: *
Lion King: *
Lion King 2:
Lion King 1 1/2:

total so far: 14

Peter Pan: *
Peter Pan 2:
Fantasia: *
The Three Caballeros: -
Alice in Wonderland: *
Sleeping Beauty: *

total so far: 19

101 Dalmations: *
101 Dalmations 2:
102 Dalmations:
The Sword in the Stone:
The Jungle Book: *
The Aristocats:

total so far: 21

Robin Hood:
Oliver and Company: *
Beauty and the Beast: *
Beauty and the Beast 2:
Aladdin: *
Aladdin: Return of Jafar: *
Aladdin: The King of Thieves: *

total so far: 25

Finding Nemo: *
Monsters, Inc: *
Hercules: *
Mulan: *
Mulan 2:
Tarzan: *

total so far: 30

Lilo & Stitch: -
Lilo & Stitch 2: -
Stitch! The Movie: -
The Hunchback of Notre Dame: *
The Emperor's New Groove: *
The Nightmare Before Christmas: -
Bed Knobs and Broomsticks: *
Pete's Dragon:

total so far: 33

Remember the Titans: *
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?: *
James and the Giant Peach:
Mighty Ducks: *
D2: Mighty Ducks: *
D3: Mighty Ducks: *
A Bug's Life: *
The Incredibles: *

total so far: 40

A Goofy Movie:
An Extremely Goofy Movie:
Atlantis:
The Chronicles of Narnia: *
Around the World in 80 Days: -
Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen: -

total so far: 41

A Cinderella Story: *
Pirates of the Carribean: *
Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest: *
National Treasure: *
Princess Diaries:
Princess Diaries 2:

total so far: 43

Freaky Friday:
Honey I Shrunk the Kids: *
A Muppet Christmas Carol: -
Ice Princess: -
Beauty and the Beast: An Enchanted Christmas: -
George of the Jungle:
Basil: The Great Mouse Detective: *

total so far: 45

total: 45
Repost this as: 'I've seen __ Disney films'

Collapse

When the day starts with a shelf collapsing for the second time this week and spreading your beloved DVD collection all over the place...that doesn't really bode well for the rest of the day...

I've been at my new job 2 months and things have been going ok...but today I feel like I had enough screw ups to last me for the entire time I'm at this job...both the manager and the director spoke to me and I felt awful...which doesn't necessarily make me do my job any better. I was frustrated and upset and I was totally beating myself up about it for the rest of the day.

Why do I do things like this? At my old job, things would happen now and then and I'd suck it up and move on. I guess I just felt today that I was letting my new team down...a team that I joined because they picked me, not because one of them is friends with my dad. Also, I have this little voice in the back of my head saying 'well, they still could let you go...it hasn't been 3 months yet.' And I don't want to give them any reason to consider doing that. Not that they would, necessarily...but still. I want to make a good impression on the new people...

Also, my grandmother is back in the hospital which upsets me and I don't know why but i mentioned that to my boss...but I didn't want her to think it was some sort of an excuse; it's not. It just is. And my sister is leaving the country for three months and I'm going to miss her. So I feel a bit at sea right now. But none of that should have to do with work and me making stupid mistakes.

There was what Dave said, that he thought I didn't really want to do this. And...he's right. I don't think I do. But I need to stay around this job for a while, a good six months to a year...that's if they don't let me go. Which I don't think they will. I made nice with one of them and told the other what was happening in the no-work related realm...so I can just hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

Life Path

Your Life Path Number is 8

Your purpose in life is to help others succeed You are both a natural leader and a natural success. You are also a great judge of character. You have a head for business and finance. You know how to make money. A great visionary, you can see gold where other people see nothing. In love, you are very generous - with gifts, time, and guidance. You love to inspire people, but it can be frustrating when they don't understand your vision. Great success comes easily for you. But so does great failure, as you are very reckless. You are confident, and sometimes this confidence borders on arrogance.

What Is Your Life Path Number?

Guys, Personas, Yeladim...

So I'm reading this book of feminist essays, appropriately titled 'Bitchfest,' and the last essay I read was about the phrase 'you guys.' Now, I understand her point of view, that she doesn't like to use the phrase and doesn't like it to be used in reference to a group of women...but then she started talking about how English was patriarchial and how English needed a gender-neutral word to discuss a group of people...this is where she lost me.

She lost me mostly because in other languages, such as Spanish and Hebrew (really, the only teo others that I have any experience with), a group always takes on a masculine identity, even if there is only one man. In Spanish, muchachos y muchachas becomes 'muchachos' which can be translated to mean just 'boys' or 'kids.' In Hebrew (please bear with my Hebr-ish here)the word for boy is 'yeled' and the word for girl is 'yeldah' and the suffix 'im' is masculine and the suffix 'ot' is feminine. Children then become 'yeladim.'

Point being, it's not only English that refers to a group of people with a word that has masculine connotation. For myself, when I address a group of women (be it my book club, or friend) I usually say 'Ladies' (some say 'girls' but that annoys me more than 'you guys,' but I think that's a whole other megilah)...I also use 'everyone.'

I understand why these words irritate feminists...and although it's a concern, we might, at this point, have bigger fish to fry...

I'll Keep Him Company...

I've been somewhat remiss in posting lately, but I haven't quite had the right inspiration...

However. Tonight I went to see the first Broadway show I'd seen since the beginning of the year (my third time attending Rent may or may not count)...and I saw Company, which actuall yopened earlier this week. All I really knew about this show beforehand was that Sonheim wrote it and it starred Raul Esparaza, he of the beautiful, emotional voice I've come to love through my tick,tick...BOOM cd. I also knew Being Alive was a song from the show because I had sung it in voice lessons back in the day.

So anyway, I bought a ticket yesterday and my seat was in the very last row in the theatre, but that shouldn't matter- if the show is good, it will reach you. And reach me it did. In the opening scenes, where the cast, which doubles as the band dances with their instruments around a seemingly inert Bobby (Raul). It isn't until we get into the meat of his story (are they flashbacks as he heads to his birthday party which bookends the show?) that we realize the show is not really about Bobby turning 35 and the expectation of marriage...I mean, it is about that but there's more going on.

The title. Company. To Bobby it means a couple things: it means his usual role in his friends lives, ie 'We have company coming over,' as dinner guest and it means something he wants, 'I'd really like some company,' but doesn't have. Wanting something you don't have is also a major theme of the show as observed by his male friends attempts to set them up with women and the light sexual tension that runs through Boby's interaction with the married women.

The role of Boby actually reminds me of tick, tick...BOOM but not only because Jonathan Larson's idol was Stephen Sondheim, but because in that show Jonathan also longs for something he doesn't have. And in this longing, both men have fixated on their coming birthdays as symbols of their failure. Now, Bobby doesn't seem to have fixated anything, other than not having what he thinks he wants, but the milestone is there and punctuated by his friends telling him to make a birthday wish. The role of Jonathan was outwardly a neurotic mess, whereas Bobby does sometimes come off as inert, but also as a man who is so used to the way he lives and wanting to be different that he literally doesn't know how to change things for himself. Jonathan and Bobby have also taken things they don't have, a theatre career and a marriage respectively and glorified them to the extent that they think if they have these things, then their lives will be perfect. Who's to say if they were right or if they were disappointed.

Everyone should get to hear Raul Esparza sing...when the cast stops singing at him and he gets his first sing in the first act to himself, I sat up and took notice...he sat down for most of the piece (staging I didn't quite understand, seeing as he wasn't playing an instrument...though it became clear later on that he had to sit still in his pretty suit only to give way to his later rumpled appearance, declaring that he wanted to Be Alive downstage center) but his voice vibrated with emotions teeming close to the surface which didn't overflow until his last song, where he played the piano and sang as though his life depended on it. We gave Raul a standing ovation at the end and as deserved as it was, he seemed in awe of it...taking a moment to survey the audience before inviting the rest of the cast to join him for another bow.

There's a Girl I Know...

I got this purple book for my Bat Mitzvah and I used it as a journal until I graduated from college...that's a lot of life to recount. Of course, it's only select snippets, but interesting nevertheless. I have several things paper-clipped to the pages in the book including the junior prom ticket, valentines, poems, cards...The thing that a lot of these things have in common, at least during my high school period, was that these were mostly from the same person...my first boyfriend, Dave. That book chronicles my entire love life...all four boyfriends; the last relationship ending five years ago.

What's interesting is that my handwriting hasn't changed but my writing style has grown up with me (as one would expect). I go back and marvel how idealistically I loved the boys that I loved...without worry about the future; it was enough to love them right then. There is no way that I would date Dave or Sean today...we have nothing in common that I would seek in a partner, yet then it made all the sense in the world. Who knew that when Dave and I grew up we would still be tentative friends but fundamentally disagree on a lot of things.

I always found it hard to write my fiction when I had a boyfriend and maybe that was because I was busy writing sappy love scenes about myself than sappy love scenes about people I made up. A part of me wishes I could return to the time when a kiss goodnight (on the cheek, no less) was what I hoped for and it was as uncomplicated as that. No JDate, no compatibility tests...just two teenagers trying to make their way through high school together.

Five Years...

Five years is a long time. It's been five years since I was a junior at Syracuse, living in my single in Shaw. It's been five years since I broke up with my then-boyfriend. It's been five years since I took my first class with Prof. Dubin. It's been five years since I sat in Dubin's class and watched in horror as buildings collapsed in New York City on a big screen like some grotesque imitation of an action movie where nameless extras died but it would all be ok if Tom Cruise or Harrison Ford saved the day.

It didn't work out that way. What I was watching was real. And I did not lose anyone close to me, directly. I did lose something that day, though and I think a lot of Americans did. We lost our security and complacency. We were no longer invincible...and are no longer invincible as we deal with the daily rigors of supposed new terror threats.

An eerie silence envleoped our campus that day and for a couple days after that. No one was walking around or playing frisbee on the quad. I sat in my room for two hours to wait for my dad to call me to make sure he got home from his Philadelphia office safely. My cell phone didn't work. I woke up the next morning to the endless news coverage that I had to switch to I Love lucy re-runs because I couldn't see them anymore. Not because I was unsympathetic, but because the images were already burned into my consciousness and I didn't need to see them anymore.

My boyfriend and I split the day after and I didn't even care; it seemed so unimportant at the time...I was spent of energy and had no more to devote to whether our fading, dysfunctional relationship survived. Instead, i took solcae in my friends and how we gathered at the chapel for Hillel the following Friday evening. I sat next to Dan like I always did and I prayed quietly, mostly to myself. I question, almost dailly, the wisdom of prayer as an act but in the end, if it makes you feel better, then why not?

The football game for that Saturday was cancelled; rescheduled and I sat in my room on Saturday, bored with nothing to do since I didn't have band to fill my time that day. I contacted old friends that I knew to be in the city area and everyone responded, which doesn't usually happen. They were more or less all right and I heard that a high school friend's father, who worked in the towers didn't go in that day. Usually, that would be a mundane detail. But today it was remarkable because he was still alive.

And nation shall not lift up sword against nation, and we shall not know war anymore.

Requiem for Deadwood

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Out Tonight?

So you'll love my story from this evening: I got an Evite from my friend that I worked on Full Monty with like, last year and haven't seen in a really long time. The bar she was celebrating at is in Park Slope, it's really close. So I get dressed and go, only to find no one was at this bar that was even remotely around my age. Ok, so fine. So I think, well, maybe I'm too early. So I move on to another bar I've been to before and sit down at the bar and order. The bartender asks me for me ID, which I give him. He looks at it for a really long time, longer than I think any other bartender in NYC has looked at anyone's ID. Then he says he's not accepting it. I look at him and am like, "Sorry?" He says, "I'm not accepting your ID. It doesn't look real to me." So I get up and leave. Of course, a whole host of witty retorts fill my head upon leaving.

Response #1: Well dude, I can see how a few less pounds and longer hair makes it long like a different person. But relaly, that is me.

Response #2: I hope you do your job this well when an 18 year old comes in and wants to buy a drink. And how old am I? 25.

Response #3: Maybe you should have your eyes checked seeing as you wouldn't know a real ID from a fake one. I didn't have this one until I was 22.

Honestly. No one has ever rejected my ID before...how ridiculous. And sometimes they'll ask for a second ID or something. Not this guy. What a tool.

Leaving Israel

First, I will give you this disclaimer: I have read and seen the facts about the current issues in Israel. Everything else is opinion.

So I came back last Thursday from our tour of Israel. We hit the ground...and then heard that rockets were being launched at places we'd been the week before. That is a disconserting feeling. We also knew for a fact that a family from our tour stayed on and was now in a place that was being rocketed. They sunsequently arrived home safely (thank Gd).

When I went back to work, everyone was "we were concerned about you, we're glad you're backsafely," which I appreciated. It was nice of them to say things like that. The things that stuck under my skin were a couple emails I got that were to the effect of "You were in Israel? Are you NUTS?" or "You must be really glad to be home." The answers to both, of course, were "No." What people don't get are a) things were relatively peaceful a couple weeks ago and b)why would you be glad to leave a long anticipated vacation?

I understand that now, things are bad. But one of the things I got the feel for on this trip was the fact that Israel is a real place with real people and they think of everyone as family. It's not New York, where you look out for yourself and that's it. Israelis look out for each other because there are so few of them and they fight so hard everyday to exist.

So no, I'm not glad to be home...or I wasn't when I stepped off the plane. I felt sad when I left the airport like I lost something. And as far as being nuts to visit Israel, people could make the same case for visiting New York, since the day the world changed.

Going Away

I've never taken a long vacation from work and now my family and I are jetting off to Israel in a couple days and for some reason, it makes me nervous. Not flying or travelling, but maybe it's being away from my life for 2 weeks. Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to the vacation and have been for several months. I just worry...not that they won't be able to get along without me at work. That's just it...I'm in the throes of a long and arduous job hunt and soul search and what if I come back...and they decide they don't need me anymore? I know this is just me being silly, but seriously...my boss hasn't given me the time of day all week except tp point out 2 potential mistakes (one I made, and one I proved myself right thankyouverymuch) and that's it. I don't feel taken for granted, not really, but I see my co-worker getting projects and such and I've been there longer and none are being thrown my way.

If someone asked me openly and honestly why I want to change jobs, I would have to say "Because I'm not growing in this environment." And it's the truth because I can't move up, my co-worker would get promoted before I do anyway and I just don't want to do this anymore.

Welcom to F*ckin Deadwood

So it's back. And it's the last fulls eason which sucks, but at least it's back now. I missed Deadwood. The Sopranos was disappointing...after opening the season with a bang (literally)...nothing really happened. You can always count on Deadwood for a number of intricate, eventful days.

As the characters we know and love were re-introduced, I tried to remember them all so I'll list them to see if there are any I forgot:

Al Swearengen
Dan Dority
Johnny Burns
Silas Adams
Doc Cochran
Trixie
Dolly
Seth Bullock
Martha Bullock
Charlie Utter
Sol Star
Jane
Joanie
Cy Tolliver
Leon
Con Stapleton
Tom Nuttall
Steve the hooplehead
Alma Garrett Ellsworth
Ellsworth
Sophia
EB Farnum
Richardson
AW Merrick
George Hearst

That's a lot. I'm sure there's more. I know Mr. Wu wasn't in this episode, either was Andy Cramed...but I'm sure they'll turn up. A hearty welcome back to the best (and dirtiest ;o) cast on TV.

Catching Up

So I've been somewhat remiss in posting recently...it hasn't been for a lack of noteworthy subject to pontificate about, more a lack of free time. I've always been one who liked having a lot of activity in my life and since I joined the working world, I felt that if I didn't have other things in my life beside work, then my brain would go soft. So I joined the book club, a knitting circle and work at the theatre. I recently began guitar lessons. Most people are like 'wow, you do so much, you're so busy.' But I feel like if I didn't have these other things going on, I'd be bored out of my mind!

A fews weeks ago, the theatre class that I interned for put on their show and it was a success. I really enjoyed being backstage with the kids- feeling their energy and excitement, helping them troubleshoot their costumes and being in a new space and going over their lines with them. That was the first time I felt a sense of fulfillment since I graduated from college.

So what does this mean for me? Well, I am entertaining the idea of going back to school...or droping out of tv all together and applying for a teaching fellowship in NYC. I guess we'll see what happens. However, at least I know that I can get fulfillment from somewhere after feeling empty for so long.

What's Next?

So The West Wing aired it's final episode on Sunday evening. It was a fitting ending, though it is beyond me that Will and Grace, a gratingly annoying sitcom warrant an epsidoe four times it's normal length (2 hours to its regular 1/2 hour)and the Wing gets an hour episode like it'll be on again next week. Wtf?

Anyway, I wanted to just remember a bit about my favorite Wing episodes since NBC couldn't even be bothered with a retrospective before the finale.

So, in no particular order...

In the Shadow of Two Gunmen, Parts 1&2: In the aftermath of the shooting of President Bartlet and his posse, the staff ponders the way it came together in such a seamless set of flashbacks that other series should take their cues from this. Though at times difficult to watch for it's high emotions, these were the epsides that said, "This is the best show on tv at this time."

In Excelsis Deo: Toby arranges a miliatry funeral for a homeless man who froze to death while wearing his coat. Mrs. Landingham accompanies Toby to the funeral and the final scene is played over a boy's choir singing Little Drummer Boy. I tear up every time.

Shibboleth: Thianks giving brings all sorts of happenings to the White House as "Thanksgiving Cruise Director" CJ finds out. Jed pardons a turkey and drives Charlie nuts until he presents Charlie with a precious family heirloom. Sam and Josh sort out a situation with Chinese Christians claiming assylum in the US.

These Crackpots and These Women/Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail: Both episodes take place on Big Block of Cheese Day, a day Leo designates to throw open the doors of the White House to the likes of Cartographers for Social Equality, a man who tracks UFOs and a group bent on setting up a highway sytem for wolves. The staff comes out of each meeting a little bit less cynical than before. Oh, and in These Crackpots... Charlie and Zoey meet for the first time.

Take the Sabbath Day: The staff, at work on Saturday, ponders the meaning of capital punishment from the Jewish, Christian and Quaker point of veiw on the eve of the exicution of a high ranking drug lord. And Josh meets Joey Lucas.

Two Catherdrals: The second season comes to a head when Mrs. Landingham dies and Jed flashes back to their meeting. He then goes on to denounce GD in an incredibly powerful monologue, done mostly in Latin before holding a press conference regading his coverup of him MS and the furture of his presidency.

There are so many great moments from this wonderful show that I can remember as well as the excellent dialogue. The West Wing, though a shell of it's former self by the end was always great tv and I will miss it.

525,600 Minutes...Times 10

This Saturday marks the 10th Anniversary of RENT's move to Broadway. Yesterday, what they did was make all the tickets to the show $20. Guess who got to go :o).

I generally don't go see Broadway shows more than once because they cost so much money and I certainly don't stand for the whole thing. However, this was a different circumstance. I got an SRO ticket and I stood at the back of the orchestra, peering through a window-like opening. It was actually pretty cool. I could see the whole stage. I didn't have anyone tall sitting in front of me. But I think to stand for a whole show, you have to be riveted. Which I was.

The actor that played Mark, Matt Caplan, was incredible. He played up Mark's innate dorkiness, while still making him empathic. He and Roger's best friendship and later disappointment in each other was palpable. I wondered if the happy-go-lucky Mark from the 1st act could become the sad Mark in the 2nd when things unravel. And he did. He did it by changing his physicality from standing up straight to being sort of slumped over while he watches his friends fight at Angel's funeral. He did an over the top announcer voice to exagerate how ridiculous he thought working for Alexi Darling was.

My only complaint was there were a couple transition moments that the cast didn't milk enough. The moment after "One Song Glory," they launched right into "Light My Candle" without taking so much as a beat to let the power of the song sink in. And I liked the guy who played Collins, but I think his biggest problem was that he was not Jesse L. Martin...he didn't quite have the voice for Santa Fe since he was more tenor than bass...however, he sold me during "Without You" when he was nursing Angel. He wasn't even singing but if you were watching him, you could see that he had a moment of realization that Angel was not going to get better.

I had been wanting to see RENT again since I saw the movie and now I remember why the show was so much better than the movie...I did enjoy the movie. But. The show had something the movie did not: it felt spontaneous and exuberant. The movie was just too polished. Watching the show, you get a feel for Roger's pent up passion for his music and his frustration with his failure. His voice was raw and more of a growl than Adam Pascal's ever was, but when he sang "One Song Glory," he sold it with his voice and his body. In the movie, the actors sounded and looked good but since they were on the screen, their performances were much more muted. They didn't use thier bodies hardly at all while singing, except when there was actual choreography.

The crowd last night was a great crowd and even drew the cast out for a second bow. I feel like they had a talk beforehand and said, "Not much money will be made from tonight's performance, but it's the most important one. Most of these people have seen this show before. Make this time the most memorable."

Some Thoughts

So I've been inconsistent with posts, but things have been busy. Now there's a lull and maybe I can collect a couple thoughts:

I was feeling a bit crappy about my situation earlier until I got a call asking if I'd be interested in coming in for an interview...and that I came highly recommended. Let me tell you, there's nothing better for a boost than having someone call you about a job. I haven't heard about a previous opportunity and was beginning to lose hope and I got this call.

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I went to my friend's party on Saturday night, and I have to say it was really cool to get together with a group of different people. As much as I love my friends from SU, I have this sort of latent fear that they will up and leave NY and then I will have no friends. But I feel better about it after having been to the party and realizing I do have other friends.

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Another thing I was feeling crappy about was this guy I saw a couple times seemed to really like me, but I saw him like a couple weeks ago and he hasn't asked to see me since. We've spoken since, but nothing else has happened. I made the last 2 calls. If he wants to see me, he knows my number.

Seriously? Am I doing something wrong? I wish I knew. I try really hard not to seem needy or whatever, but would it kill people to follow through. I lay my cards on the table. No bullshit. Why can't people at least do the same? I don't get it.

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I was in on auditions for my show last week and as I watched these actors give their all to the audition, I couldn't help thinking how hard this must be. To wait for hours then get called back and wait againg, when there are maybe 20 parts to give away in the shows. Man. Performing is a tough life, though I still think there is some glamor in it and wonder what it would be like.

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I finished knitting the pieces of my poncho, my 1st big knitting project. We'll see how it comes out when I put it together with the girl who taught me how to knit.

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This is from a book that I'm reading, Loving Women by Pete Hamill: "If I can remember that time without the gauzy editing of memory, maybe I can make sense of all the years that followed, the stupid deaths I later saw and recorded, the friends I lost, the women I loved too carelessly or too well. But memory does not exist in any orderly progression, following the clean planes of logic."