When the day starts with a shelf collapsing for the second time this week and spreading your beloved DVD collection all over the place...that doesn't really bode well for the rest of the day...
I've been at my new job 2 months and things have been going ok...but today I feel like I had enough screw ups to last me for the entire time I'm at this job...both the manager and the director spoke to me and I felt awful...which doesn't necessarily make me do my job any better. I was frustrated and upset and I was totally beating myself up about it for the rest of the day.
Why do I do things like this? At my old job, things would happen now and then and I'd suck it up and move on. I guess I just felt today that I was letting my new team down...a team that I joined because they picked me, not because one of them is friends with my dad. Also, I have this little voice in the back of my head saying 'well, they still could let you go...it hasn't been 3 months yet.' And I don't want to give them any reason to consider doing that. Not that they would, necessarily...but still. I want to make a good impression on the new people...
Also, my grandmother is back in the hospital which upsets me and I don't know why but i mentioned that to my boss...but I didn't want her to think it was some sort of an excuse; it's not. It just is. And my sister is leaving the country for three months and I'm going to miss her. So I feel a bit at sea right now. But none of that should have to do with work and me making stupid mistakes.
There was what Dave said, that he thought I didn't really want to do this. And...he's right. I don't think I do. But I need to stay around this job for a while, a good six months to a year...that's if they don't let me go. Which I don't think they will. I made nice with one of them and told the other what was happening in the no-work related realm...so I can just hope that tomorrow will be a better day.
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