1 Week Down...

"The first year is the hardest."

"A lot of teachers drink."

"You feel like a failure."

"I used to go home and cry everyday."

"You have good days and bad days."

Well, there you have it. One week down, many more to go. The first three days were ok. Today, not so much. I could not get my students to do anything. I felt completely helpless and I didn't know what to do. I was having a "what am I doing here" sort of morning.

It started out ok enough, I got them to do a couple things but by the time we got to Math class, they were out of control and nothing I did or said could change that. I felt ineffectual and in experienced...both of which I was right at that moment. I wa snot sure how to combat it. The boys could tell and of course took advantage.

I gave a couple of different assignments and asked them to hand them in. On both accounts, I received only three. During lunch, I kinda lost it, at least while I was on my own but then I looked for a fellow teacher to ask him something and he saw me upset (mostly because he asked if I was upset and then I lost again and I felt like a moron. I don't like being upset in front of people, least of all, people I don't know well.)

At least toward the end of the day I had a debriefing session with two other teachers and I found they were in the same boat, frustration-wise as myself. But the question still remains, what to do about it? I don't remember anyone behaving in my schools the way these kids behave in class. Maybe because I was in a suburban school. Maybe because I was in some of the honors classes. Who knows?

I wouldn't go back to sitting behind a desk. But can I become the person these kids need me to become in order for all of us to succeed? We'll see.